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Players
The Philosophy for Players
The Coaching Philosophy
The Positive Coaching Alliance
The Double Goal Coach™ by the Positive Coaching Alliance
What a Positive Culture Looks Like
The Parent Coach Partnership
Empowering Conversations with Your Child
Evaluating Our Coaches
Expectations for Players
Expectations for Parents
The Philosophy for Players
First and foremost, ESN is on a mission of building tomorrow’s leaders today. It is our belief that a student-athlete’s participation in sports can greatly influence them in a positive way while building strong character qualities that can form a solid foundation for excelling in life. The discipline required to EXCEL in sports can make a significant positive impact on how today’s athletes D.E.F.E.A.T. the challenging situations of tomorrow.
Of what importance is it for our youth to be “trained-up” in a way that they experience obstacles that require some pain or suffering to overcome? Obstacles will continue to be part of their life; not just in sports. As parents embrace this fact, there must be a clear understanding that if their children don’t gain experiences that provide them with the opportunity to partake in the benefits of overcoming these obstacles, then the many emotional, spiritual and physical “battles” of their futures that will be waiting on the “other side of the hill” may conquer them. The many obstacles we face in any given day ultimately brings us to a cross-road; where a decision will need to be made—most will unfortunately take the easier road.
We have seen the development of strong character qualities in those that experience the pains and challenges in sports training. Their involvement in sports is ultimately a portrayal of a sequence of events and decisions that will be replicated in other multiple endeavors that await them in their futures. There is an exhilaration of victory that comes from the fruits of their labor and the decisiveness of their choices; overcoming the multiple emotional, spiritual and physical battles that face them throughout any given day. These situations provide a “training ground” that provide the opportunity to place the youth of today on the road of “EXCEL~eration”.
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The Coaching Philosophy
- The Means to the End – Not all players are “created equal”. Some have very special talents or skills while others have to work harder at it. The experiences and circumstances the players are involved in and how they react to them is more important than the end result on the scoreboard. Our kids are “winners” when they develop strong work ethics, show how responsible they are in learning their position, are disciplined and persevere when times are tough. Character and integrity…that’s a winning combination.
- Responsibility to TEAM – You may have heard that the acronym of TEAM means “Together Everyone Achieves More”. It couldn’t be more true. The players will learn to put the needs of others before themselves. All positions on the field are important. The level of effort each player puts forth to perform at their very best at all times is the critical element to ensure success for all the others.
- Practice with Intensity – Players need to leave a practice pumped with a desire to test what they’ve learned in a game. We will plan every practice – on paper – against the clock. We have to keep things moving, keep them focused. It’s the only way to build a TEAM with the desire to out-perform.
- Praise, Praise, Praise – Every improvement, however small, deserves a compliment. One of the best things about coaching is seeing the players do better – individually and as a team. Let them know it – praise even minor accomplishments because they may only be minor to you, but major to them! We should continually attempt to foster this type of attitude—not only as coaches, assistant coaches and team moms; but also as parents. Heck, let’s teach our kids to do it with each of their teammates. Talk about unity!
- Life Lessons – We have seen the development of strong character qualities in those that experience the pains and challenges in sports training. An athlete’s involvement in sports is ultimately a portrayal of a sequence of events and decisions that will be replicated in other multiple endeavors that await them in their futures. There is an exhilaration of victory that comes from the fruits of their labor and the decisiveness of their choices; overcoming the multiple emotional, spiritual and physical battles that face them throughout any given day. These situations provide a “training ground” that provide the opportunity to place the youth of today on the road of EXCEL~eration”.
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The Positive Coaching Alliance
We are a proud member and sponsor of the Positive Coaching Alliance which was established at Stanford University in 1998. PCA believes that winning is a goal in youth sports but that there is a second, more important goal of using sports to teach life lessons through positive coaching.
In the United States, youth are dropping out of sports at an alarming rate. A major contributing factor is the "win at all cost" mentality of many parents and coaches that creates a pressure filled environment for the kids and ultimately turns them away from sports. According to Michigan State University's Institute for the Study of Youth Sports, children participating in organized sports tend to achieve higher results in school, develop excellent interpersonal skills and lead healthier lives.
Positive Coaching Alliance (PCA) provides live, research-based training workshops and practical tools for coaches, parents and leaders who operate youth sports programs to get them on the same page about what it means to Honor the Game. Positive Coaching Alliance educates adults who shape the youth sports experience by offering partnership programs with YSO's, schools, cities and national sports governing bodies. PCA also provides corporations with the opportunity to offer sports parent workshops to their employees.
You may visit their website at www.positivecoach.org.
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The Double Goal Coach™ by the Positive Coaching Alliance
Coaches are the most important person in our organization. They determine the kind of experience our athletes have with sports. We are committed to the principles of Positive Coaching. We expect our coaches to be "Double-Goal Coaches™" who want to win and help players learn "life lessons" and positive character traits from sports. The following is what we expect from them during the season as a part of the ESN Coaching Philosophy.
- Model and teach your players to Honor the Game. Teach the elements of ROOTS (Respect for Rules, Opponents, Officials, Teammates, and one's Self).
- Appoint a parent to be "Culture Keeper" for the team.
- Share with your players' parents your desire for them to Honor the Game.
- Drill Honoring the Game in practice.
- Seize teachable moments to talk with players about Honoring the Game.
- Help players Redefine what it means to be a "Winner" in terms of Mastery, not just the Scoreboard:
- Teach players the ELM Tree of Mastery (Effort, Learning, and bouncing back from Mistakes).
- Use a "Team Mistake Ritual" (like "Flushing Mistakes) to help players quickly rebound from mistakes.
- Reward effort, not just good outcomes. Look to recognize players for unsuccessful effort.
- Encourage players to set "Effort Goals" that are tied to how hard they try.
- Use Targeted Symbolic Rewards to reinforce effort and team play.
- Fill your players' Emotional Tanks.
- Use encouragement and positive reinforcement as your primary method of motivating.
- Strive to achieve the 5:1 "Magic Ratio" of 5 positive reinforcements to each criticism/correction.
- Schedule "fun activities" for practices, so players will enjoy our sport.
- Use the "Buddy System" to teach players to fill each other's Emotional Tanks.
- Develop "player coaches" by asking for player input and asking rather than telling them what to do
- Learn to give "Kid-Friendly Criticism" so players will be able to hear it. Criticize in private, "Ask Permission," use the Criticism Sandwich, avoid giving criticism in non-teachable moments.
- Have Conversations during Team Meetings with your players at every practice and every game.
- Review Honoring the Game, the ELM Tree and the Emotional Tank throughout the season.
- Remind players about these three concepts before and after every game.
- Ask questions and encourage players to speak and contribute during team meetings.
- Use the Winner's Circle after a game to reinforce the positive things players did.
At the beginning and end of the season we will survey each team’s players and their parents to give our coaches feedback on how they did at implementing these Positive Coaching principles during the season.
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What a Positive Culture Looks Like
Bottom line, we want to create a culture where kids love to play the game. They look forward to practices and games as times when they will have fun. The joy they find in playing will last a lifetime.
In a positive youth sports culture, all resources do not flow to the elite level. Athletes have options determined by their ability and interest. Elite athletes compete in "meritocratic" environments in which a place on the team and playing time are determined by ability, performance and effort. Less talented or skilled athletes, or simply athletes who want a different kind of experience, have the option to play in developmental or recreational programs in which they are guaranteed the right to play at least a part of every game.
At every level, players are proud to have their families and friends see them play. Knowing that they are an important part of the team contributes to this proud feeling; their coaches are supportive and do not embarrass them in front of those watching; they are confident that their parents are supportive and will not confront the officials over questionable calls; and ultimately, they know that those watching are proud of them whether or not they win the game.
All involved in youth sports (players, coaches, parents, officials, and fans) realize what a special time this is. They look at their involvement as a privilege that they never want to dishonor. They realize that sports provide a time when they get to interact with people they do not see on a regular basis, and they come to cherish this time. Players know that this is a time when they can learn from each other (as well as from the coach), and the coach sees how much can be learned from the players. Players look forward to playing challenging opponents because they push them to perform to their highest potential.
Coaches feel the responsibility not only to teach their players the skills and strategy behind the game, but also a respect for the tradition of the game and for all who are involved (teammates, opponents, officials, and fans). Learning to honor the game contributes to a growing sense of responsibility and maturing moral reasoning that helps athletes prepare to become contributing citizens of the larger community.
Coaches realize that what they are teaching their players carries far beyond the field into the classroom, the home, and even into future jobs. Coaches have their players (and team as a whole) focus on their effort and personal improvement, rather than simply on the results of the game. They help players recognize that mistakes are an inevitable and important part of the learning process and that a key to success is being able to rebound from mistakes with renewed determination. This way, players gain a sense of control over their own development and confidence in their ability to succeed, in life as well as in sports.
Players have an important voice in creating this positive culture, and there are multiple and ongoing opportunities for them to shape their own environment. During team discussions players speak and contribute. When decisions are being made that affect the entire team/league, coaches and league organizers make a concerted effort to be approachable and players' ideas are sought out and considered. Having this voice increases players' sense of internal motivation, and they feel a stronger sense of control over their surroundings.
This positive culture encourages athletes to play multiple sports and never pressures players to specialize in one sport too early in their careers. Coaches resist the urge to pressure their players to give up other sports besides their own, realizing that what might give them the best winning percentage is not always the same as what is in their players' best interest.
The Challenge
When a game is on the line, can we really live up to this description of a positive culture? Can we really expect coaches, players, fans, and parents to uphold this positive culture if it might result in losing the game? The answer has to be, "Yes!" All involved must realize that winning cannot be the only goal. Maintaining a positive culture where positive character traits are developed in our players must come first. When the game is on the line and tensions are running high, it can take a high level of moral courage to keep our focus on what is really important, but if we can do that, we will teach our children an invaluable lesson. We must believe that maintaining this positive culture is so vital that we are willing to stand up to others that are putting it in danger. Our vision needs to stretch far beyond winning a specific game to making a lasting impact on the lives of our players.
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The Parent Coach Partnership
The Positive Coaching Alliance is the source for this information. The young athletes are not the only ones that are “part of the team”. You truly are in a partner relationship with your coach.
Research is clear that when parents and teachers work together a child tends to do better in school. There is no reason to think that it is any different in youth sports. The following are some guidelines for how parents can contribute to a Coach/Parent Partnership that can help the athlete have the best possible experience.
Recognize the Commitment the Coach Has Made: For whatever reason, you have chosen not to help coach the team. The coach has made a commitment that involves many, many hours of preparation beyond the hours spent at practices and games. Recognize his commitment and the fact that he is not doing it because of the pay! Try to remember this whenever something goes awry during the season.
Make Early, Positive Contact with the Coach: As soon as you know who your child"s coach is going to be, contact her to introduce yourself and let her know you want to help your child have the best experience she can have this season. To the extent that you can do so, ask if there is any way you can help. By getting to know the coach early and establishing a positive relationship, it will be much easier to talk with her later if a problem arises.
Fill the Coach"s Emotional Tank: When the coach is doing something you like, let him know about it. Coaching is a difficult job and most coaches only hear from parents when they want to complain about something. This will help fill the coach"s emotional tank and contribute to his doing a better job. It also makes it easier to raise problems later when you have shown support for the good things he is doing. And just about every coach does a lot of things well. Take the time to look for them.
Don"t Put the Player in the Middle: Imagine a situation around the dinner table, in which a child"s parents complain in front of her about how poorly her math teacher is teaching fractions. How would this impact this student"s motivation to work hard to learn fractions? How would it affect her love of mathematics? While this may seem farfetched, when we move away from school to youth sports, it is all too common for parents to share their disapproval of a coach with their children. This puts a young athlete in a bind. Divided loyalties do not make it easy for a child to do her best. Conversely, when parents support a coach, it is that much easier for the child to put her wholehearted effort into learning to play well. If you think your child"s coach is not handling a situation well, do not tell that to the player. Rather, seek a meeting with the coach in which you can talk with her about it.
Don"t Give Instructions During a Game or Practice: You are not one of the coaches, so do not give your child instructions about how to play. It can be very confusing for a child to hear someone other than the coach yelling out instructions during a game. As in #4 above, if you have an idea for a tactic, go to the coach and offer it to him. Then let him decide whether he is going to use it or not. If he decides not to use it, let it be. Getting to decide those things is one of the privileges he has earned by making the commitment to coach.
Fill Your Child"s Emotional Tank: Perhaps the most important thing you can do is to be there for your child. Competitive sports are stressful to players and the last thing they need is a critic at home. Be a cheerleader for your child. Focus on the positive things she is doing and leave the correcting of mistakes to the coach. Let her know you support her without reservation regardless of how well she plays.
Fill the Emotional Tanks of the Entire Team: Cheer for all of the players on the team. Tell each of them when you see them doing something well.
Encourage Other Parents to Honor the Game: Don"t show disrespect for the other team or the officials. But more than that, encourage other parents to also Honor the Game. If a parent of a player on your team begins to berate the official, gently say to them, "Hey, that"s not Honoring the Game. That"s not the way we do things here."
Note: These guidelines are adapted from Positive Coaching: Building Character and Self-Esteem Through Sports by Jim Thompson, the founder and leader of the Positive Coaching Alliance.
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Empowering Conversations with Your Child
When we think about what makes people friends with each other, a number of things come to mind. For example, our friends like us and enjoy spending time with us, as we enjoy them. And what is it we mostly do when we are together with our friends? Mostly we talk and listen to each other.
Conversations are the glue between people, the essential element in a strong relationship. Relationships wither without communication, and the very best form of communication is the conversation. Many parents fall into the trap of thinking that it is their job to talk and their child's to listen. Actually that's only half-right. It is also our job to listen and the child's job to talk. It's a wonderful thing when a parent and child can really talk to and hear each other.
It is important that parents intentionally seek out conversations about sports with their athletes. Here are some suggestions for how to engage your child in a conversation about sports.
- Establish Your Goal—A Conversation Among Equals: A conversation is something between equals. Kings didn't have conversations with their subjects. They told them what to do. Prepare yourself for a conversation with your child by reminding yourself that sports is her thing, not yours. Remember that you want to support her, to let her know that you are on her side. Your goal is not to give advice on how to become a better athlete. It should be to engage your child in a conversation among equals, one of whom (you!) is on the side of the other (her!).
- Adopt a Tell-Me-More Attitude: Brenda Ueland penned one of the most important essays on relationships ever written, Tell Me More: "When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand. Ideas actually begin to grow within us and come to life."
Adopt the attitude that you want your child to tell-you-more ("I really want to hear what you have to say."), and then listen to what he has to say—even if you don't agree with it or like it—and you will begin to tap into what Ueland calls the "little creative fountain" in your child.
"If you are very tired, strained…this little fountain is muddied over and covered with a lot of debris…it is when people really listen to us, with quiet fascinated attention, that the little fountain begins to work again, to accelerate in the most surprising way."
Think of your conversation with your child as an Olympic event with judges. A conversation that rates a 9 or a 10 is one in which the child does more talking and the parent more listening. Set your goal before you start, and go for it.
- Listen! In many instances you may know exactly what your child can do to improve. However, this is a conversation, remember? Your goal is to get your child to talk about her sports experience, so ask rather than tell. Save your tellings for another time.
- Use Open-Ended Questions: Some questions lend themselves to one-word responses. "How was school today?" "Fine." Your goal is to get your child to talk at length, so ask questions that will tend to elicit longer, more thoughtful responses.
- "What was the most enjoyable part of today's practice/game?"
- "What worked well?"
- "What didn't turn out so well?"
- "What did you learn that can help you in the future?"
- "Any thoughts on what you'd like to work on before the next game?"
- Also ask about life-lesson and character issues: "Any thoughts on what you've learned in practice this week that might help you with other parts of your life?" Even if you saw the entire game, the goal is to get your child to talk about the game the way she saw it, not for you to tell her what she could have done better.
Show You Are Listening. Make it obvious to your child that you are paying attention through use of nonverbal actions such as making eye contact as he talks, nodding your head and making "listening noises" ("uh-huh," "hmmm," "interesting," etc.).
- Listening is one of the greatest gifts you can give your child!
Ueland again:
"Who are the people, for example, to whom you go for advice? Not to the hard, practical ones who can tell you exactly what to do, but to the listeners; that is, the kindest, least censorious, least bossy people that you know. It is because by pouring out your problem to them, you then know what to do about it yourself."
- Let Your Child Set the Terms: William Pollack, MD, author of Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood, notes that children have different "emotional schedules" that determine when they are ready to talk about an experience. Forcing a conversation right after a competition (when there may be a lot of emotion) is often less successful than waiting until the child gives an indication that he is ready to talk. Boys may take longer than girls to talk about an experience, so look for prompts that a child is ready. And conversations don't have to be lengthy to be effective. If your child wants a brief discussion, defer to his wishes. If he feels like every discussion about sports is going to be long, he'll likely begin to avoid them. And don't be afraid of silence. Stick with it and your child will open up to you.
- Connect through activity. Sometimes the best way to spark a conversation is through an activity that your child enjoys. Playing a board game or putting a puzzle together can allow space for a child to volunteer thoughts and feelings about the game and how he performed. This is especially important for boys, who often resist a direct adult-style of conversation.
- Enjoy: The most important reason why you should listen to your child with a tell-me-more attitude: Because then she will want to talk to you, and as she (and you) get older, you will find there is no greater gift than a child who enjoys conversations with you.
Guidelines for Honoring the Game
The key to preventing adult misbehavior in youth sports is a youth sports culture in which all involved "Honor the Game." Honoring the Game gets to the ROOTS of the matter and involves respect for the Rules, Opponents, Officials, Teammates and one's Self. You don't bend the rules to win. You understand that a worthy opponent is a gift that forces you to play to your highest potential. You show respect for officials even when you disagree. You refuse to do anything that embarrasses your team. You live up to your own standards even if others don't. Here are ways that parents can create a positive youth sports culture so that children will have fun and learn positive character traits to last a lifetime.
Before the Game:
Make a commitment to Honor the Game in action and language no matter what others may do.
Tell your child before each game that you are proud of him or her regardless of how well he or she plays.
During the Game:
- Fill your children's "Emotional Tank" through praise and positive recognition so they can play their very best.
- Don't give instructions to your child during the game. Let the coach correct player mistakes.
- Cheer good plays by both teams (this is advanced behavior!)
- Mention good calls by the official to other parents.
- If an official makes a "bad" call against your team? Honor the Game—BE SILENT!
- If another parent on your team yells at an official? Gently remind him or her to Honor the Game.
- Don't do anything in the heat of the moment that you will regret after the game. Ask yourself, "Will this embarrass my child or the team?"
- Remember to have fun! Enjoy the game.
After the Game:
- Thank the officials for doing a difficult job for little or no pay.
- Thank the coaches for their commitment and effort.
- Don't give advice. Instead ask your child what he or she thought about the game and then LISTEN. Listening fills Emotional Tanks.
- Tell your child again that you are proud of him or her, whether the team won or lost.
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Evaluating Our Coaches
We realize that impact that coaches can have on our youth. It is important to ESN that our players and their parents complete the Coaching Evaluation linked below twice each season.
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Expectations for Players
As with most youth sports organizations, we also have player code of conduct guidelines as it relates to the ESN philosophies and ideals. Below, is the actual Player Pledge that each player must sign prior to being accepted as an ESN select athlete.
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Expectations for Parents
As with most youth sports organizations, we also have parent code of conduct guidelines as it relates to the ESN philosophies and ideals. Below, is the actual Parent Pledge that each parent must sign prior to their child being accepted as an ESN select athlete.
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